What To Do With The Grief Of Being Misunderstood
There is a specific kind of heartbreak that doesn’t get talked about often – the grief ADHDers may feel when being misunderstood.
It’s not a loud, dramatic grief – just that sinking feeling when you explain yourself again, and it still doesn’t land.
When people miss the point, misunderstand you, and then you are left wondering if it’s even worth trying next time.
For many of us ADHDers, this grief shows up often.
And honestly? It adds up.
Let’s chat about what to DO with that grief, how to hold it, and how to show up anyway – even when you’re still not fully seen.
Call It What It Is – Grief
We don’t always recognize it as grief. We just feel…heavy. Irritated, tired of repeating ourselves, worn out from being misread or talked over and told we are just “too sensitive.”
But that weight you are carrying? That sadness, frustration, irritation, maybe even numbness?
That’s grief. Grief for the times you weren’t understood, for the energy you spent trying to explain, for the versions of yourself you’ve hidden just to keep the peace.
It’s okay to name it – call it what it is.
Not because naming it magically makes it all better – but because pretending it’s not grief only makes it lonelier. You aren’t being dramatic. You feel something real.
Let Yourself Feel It (Without Apologizing)
Most of us learned early on to shrink (or fully stuff) our feelings. To soften our tone. To make it easier for other people to hear us – even when we are the ones hurting.
So when that misunderstood grief creeps in, the reflex is often to shove it down. Make it smaller. Make yourself smaller.
But here’s the thing – you don’t have to justify why you’re sad or frustrated or exhausted. You’re allowed to feel all of it – even if the people around you “didn’t mean it that way.”
Let yourself grieve in whatever way feels right – journal it, cry it out, make a playlist and sign in your car. Rage text a trusted friend.
Take up space with your feelings. You f^$king deserve it.
Find Your People
You are not going to be understood by everyone. That sucks – especially when you have spent your whole live trying to be more “gettable.”
But here’s the reframe: not every space deserves all of you.
There’s power in being selective. In pulling back from the people or places that constantly miss the mark.
In choosing to share your full self with the people who lean in with curiosity, not correction.
You don’t have to mask your way into belonging. You can seek – or build – space where being misunderstood isn’t your default.
And in the meantime?
Boundaries are allowed. Rest is allowed. Choosing you is allowed.
Keep Showing Up Anyway
This kind of grief doesn’t always go away. It can sneak back in during a tough conversation, a raised eyebrow, a moment when someone misses you completely.
And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
What it means is: you care. You’re human. You want to be seen – really seen – and that’s not too much to ask.
So feel the grief when it shows up. Name it. Honor it.
And then keep showing up as you – messy, brilliant, layered, and real.
And even when you are misunderstood, you’re still worthy. Still lovable. Still enough.
Final Note – You Don’t Have To Carry It Alone.
Coaching can offer a space where you get to be fully seen – without judgment, fixing, or having to explain your whole backstory first. (But also no shame if you DO explain it all first!)
If that sounds like something that you are craving, toss me an email or book a free call and let’s chat!
Questions? Feel free to send me an email at Kat@AllBelong.com and let’s chat!
Don’t Delay Joy
Kat Sweeney, MCLC