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What ADHD Coaching Actually Looks Like (Spoiler: It’s Not Me Yelling “Just Use a Planner”)
If you haven’t ever worked with an ADHD Coach before, you might be wondering what exactly happens? Heck, even if you have worked with one before, how they work and how I work may be entirely different.
You may have questions like,
- Will she make me do time blocking?
- Will she just show me a new planner?”
- Is she going to lecture me about color coding?”
The answer is definitely not.
Listen, if “just use a planner” worked, I’m sure you would have figured that out sometime between the first planner you ever bought and the seventy others that have come since.
ADHD coaching isn’t about me teaching you how to become better at being neurotypical. You aren’t broken and you don’t need fixing.
It’s about figuring out how your brain works, what’s getting in the way, what’s important to you, and what might make your life a little bit easier.
And if we can alleviate some grief, shame, or guilt? Even better.
Yes, sometimes we spend time getting s&^t done. But that’s just a part of what we do.
You Don’t Need Me To Tell You What You “Should” Be Doing
Virtually every client I work with already has a list of what they “should” be doing – one that they’ve been trying to live up to for years.
They know that they should go to bed earlier, put appointments on the calendar, set more alarms, charge the phone, clean the kitchen, work out more, eat better, where they safely put the very important thing.
Knowing isn’t the problem.
So what happens between knowing and doing?
This is where coaching can be useful.
- Maybe you struggle to get started because the task is too vague or has too many steps.
- Maybe you are overwhelmed, bored, afraid you’ll mess it up, or just don’t know where to begin.
- Maybe the system that works so beautifully for someone else falls apart for you.
It’s not that you are a failure.
Instead of me saying, “this is what you need to do” – we get curious. Together.
- What have you tried?
- What worked for a little bit?
- What worked in some circumstances?
- What part feels hardest?
- What do you have capacity for right now?
There’s no shame or judgment attached to the answers. You don’t need to prove you are trying hard enough and you don’t have to clean up the story before you tell it to me.
I meet you right where you are.
What DOES Happen During an ADHD Coaching Session?
Each client I work with is a wonderfully unique person and ADHD impacts them each in their own ways. So I definitely don’t have a one-size-fits-all formula.
I loosely use a framework that I call C.H.A.T.:
I emphasize loose.
You bring what’s going on in your life right now. Maybe its time blindness. Maybe it’s keeping on track while started a business. Maybe it’s trying not to rage quit your job.
Maybe your house feels like a tornado went through it. Maybe you don’t know where to start because there are 37 things you want to do and can’t figure out how to prioritize them.
Whatever is going on for you. That’s where we start.
Then we explore what’s underneath it.
Not in a therapeautic way. Therapy and coaching can complement each other beautifully – but they are different. Therapy may spend more time healing and treating mental health concerns, or understanding trauma.
Coaching tends to be focused on where you are right now, where you want to go, and what might help you move in that direction.
And then we experiment.
I don’t have a secrety drawer full of official ADHD Solutions and THE ADHD Answers.
Sometimes we brainstorm. Throwing ideas back and forth, rejecting some, tweaking others, and land on something that makes you say yes – I might actually do that. Or I want to try that.
Sometimes we pull out the tools and do some things together. Make a list. Breakdown a project. Pay the bill we keep forgetting about. Address the envelope and putting it by the door. Figure out where the reminder needs to live so future You have even a chance of seeing it.
Sometimes the most important thing that happens is that you finally understand why something has been so hard. That usually allows for some release of shame and guilt.
Every session can look different because every person – every ADHD brain – and every situation – is totally unique.
You’re Still Going To Have ADHD
Let’s clear up a few things ADHD Coaching is NOT.
It’s not therapy. It’s not going to fix you. It’s not going to make you a different person.
I’m not going to assign you a planner and revoke your ADHD membership when you don’t use it for more than three days.
Accountability can absolutely be a part of coaching, I’m also not here to be the person you are afraid to disappoint so you’ll finally get your shit done. That might work for a session or two, but that’s just more shame.
Good ADHD Coaching is collaborative.
You are the expert on you.
I bring knowledge about ADHD, executive functioning tools and strategies, a whole lot of questions, and deep sense of understanding of where you are.
We put those things together and figure out at least some of what works.
Sometimes you’ll leave with a specific experiement to try, sometimes you’ll leave with several possibilities, sometimes you’ll realize the thing you were trying to make yourself do doesn’t actually need to be done at all. Sometimes you’ll leave with a new perspective, or new questions to consider.
And sometimes you’ll try the thing we came up with and come back the next session saying, “yeah no, that didin’t work.”
Great.
That’s data
That’s useful information.
And then we adjust and try our next experiment.
What You Might Get From ADHD Coaching
Yes, we can work on calendars, and routines, and task initiation, and proiritization, and time management.
But some of the most meaningful changes I see aren’t about productivity specifically.
They are about self-understanding.
They are about recognizing that struggling with something doesn’t mean you are lazy.
You start to learn that you were never unmotivated. You begin to second-guess yourself less.
You start noticing what helps your brain instead of constantly judging it for working how it works.
You get better at asking for what you need.
You build a toolbox of tools that fit your life instead of trying to use tools to force yourself to squeeze into a system not meant for you.
And, maybe most importantly, you have a place where you can say, “This thing that seems ridiculously easy for everyone else is REALLY HARD for me,” and hear, “I understand. I get it. Let’s figure out where the friction points are.”
No judgment, needing to explain yourself or justify – I get it.
That’s a giant part of what I want people to experience in coaching with me.
I want them to feel seen.
To feel understood.
To feel validated.
To feel like they can show up and be exactly where they are – messy, stuck, excited, frustrated, scattered, hopeful, or some chaotic combination – without shame.
We can work from there.
I’ll say it again. You don’t ned to be fixed and you don’t need another person telling you to just try harder.
You need someone who asks better questions. Someone who understands ADHD. Someone who can help you notice patterns, experiment with different strategies, help create tools that are useful, and remind you that – “that didn’t work” is useful information – not evidence of your failure.
That’s what ADHD coaching can look like. If you are curious about what coaching might look like for you, please schedule a free 20-minute discovery call with me. We will chat about what’s going on, what you’re hoping for, and whether working together feels like a good fit. That’s it! No planner required.
Don’t Delay Joy
Kat Sweeney, MCLC, ACC