Tips for ADHDers and
Communication Challenges.
Last month, I wrote a blog all about ADHD and Communication Challenges. You can read that blog HERE. I discussed a few of the most common communication challenges people with ADHD report.
These include distractibility, impulsiveness, working memory, time management, emotional regulation, and rejection sensitivity dysphoria. In that blog I promised this month to bring you some communication tips when one or more partner in the relationship has ADHD. This is that blog!
Know Yourself
Your best way to communicate with your partner about your communication needs is to get to know them yourself. Consider what types of feedback make you feel cared about vs what types make you feel attacked or confused. How do you like to receive compliments or praise? Do you like to talk immediately or take time to get your thoughts together? Knowing your needs and preferences is the only way your partner(s) can know them.
Active Listening
Slow down and intentionally practice active listening to the best of your ability. Attempt to stay on topic, and be open to your partner asking you to finish talking about one subject before moving on. Repeat or parrot back what you think your partner has said to make sure you are on the same page. Attempt to listen for what your partner is saying rather than thinking about how you will respond. This all takes practice, be gentle and understanding to yourselves as you learn.
Dedicated Communication Time
You may benefit from some dedicated check ins or communication dates. Many couples find taking a few intentional minutes at the start or end of each day to check in is helpful. Others set certain times a week aside for checking in, planning their week, and proactively and collaboratively work together to plan your week or meet your goal.
Try Other Forms of Communicating
Not every person communicates best in face-to-face discussions. While most people will say that you are best served by talking face to face, and there is some validity to that – it simply doesn’t work for everyone. Consider other options if face to face is difficult or challenging. Share a journal. Email each other. Talk on the phone. I have had a couple who talk via a chat messenger service, even if they are home. Write notes. Use visual aids. Be open to other options, and ask yourself and your partner(s) if another form of communication would be helpful.
Establish Boundaries
We don’t always think about our boundaries around communication. What might that look like? It might be, “I can’t have a deep conversation when I’m tired.” It might be “I can’t make decisions before work in the morning.” It might be, “Sometimes I need to take a time out when I feel dysregulated.” Remember that boundaries are about our own behavior, not about others. It’s about what you need.
Reach Out For Help
If you continue to struggle with communication – with your partner(s), your kids, your parents, your friends, or your co-workers – there are many options available for help. You can work with an ADHD coach like me. You can go to a relationship therapist. You may have a trusted mentor or friend who can help you to strengthen your communication skills. And there are free resources online in many ways. Don’t struggle alone!
Work With Me To Conquer Communication Challenges
I’d love to work with you, or you and your partner(s), to tackle the challenges you may be having. This may be your intimate/romantic partners – but also for any other type of relationship. Challenges talking to your kids, your parents, your siblings, your co-workers? I can help!
Have a wonderful day today, friend! Remember – you are amazing, just exactly as you are.
Don’t Delay Joy
Kat Sweeney, MCLC