Rebuilding Self Trust: One of the Unexpected Goals of ADHD Coaching

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Rebuilding Self Trust: One of the Unexpected Goals of ADHD Coaching

 

Originally Written For The Mentor Coach Newsletter by Kat Sweeney, ACC

 

One of the most common things I hear while coaching ADHD clients revolves around one thing: they don’t trust themselves anymore.

Sometimes it’s about remembering appointments, or following through with a project, or consistently using that planner they were so excited to buy three months ago. (Let’s be honest, if they are like me, they could probably open a small office supply store with all the planners and notebooks they’ve bought and discarded over the years.)

But often those are just examples of something much bigger. Many people aren’t just frustrated with their ADHD; they are frustrated with themselves. After years of missing details, forgetting important things, trying to be consistent, and feeling like they let people down, those experiences slowly become part of how they see themselves. 

People come to ADHD coaching wanting better executive functioning, less overwhelm, and routines they can stick to. Those goals matter, and they are absolutely part of the work. As both an ADHD coach and someone with ADHD, I’ve realized that one of the most meaningful things we are often working on isn’t “getting stuff done”—it’s trusting ourselves.

 

Trust First

One of the ICF Core Competencies is “Cultivate Trust and Safety,” and I think that is even more important when it comes to coaching ADHD and other neurodivergent clients.

Many clients come into coaching expecting to be told what they are doing is wrong and that they need to apologize for everything. “Sorry I forgot”—sometimes the first apology comes before the session even starts.

We are often coaching someone who has spent years trying to explain themselves and be understood. 

The coaching conversation opens up an opportunity for them to experience something different. Instead of focusing on what didn’t happen, we can gently explore what did. What got in the way? Where was the friction point? What support might help next time?

That small but powerful shift may change the experience entirely. Slowly they begin to realize that they don’t have to defend or explain themselves here. And that’s where trust starts to build.

 

Awareness Changes the Story

During my ADHD coach training program, I had a client look up during our second session and say, “I’m not lazy. I’ve never been lazy.” They sat up taller as that landed. 

I remember thinking: this is why I do this work. Because that moment wasn’t about productivity; it was about awareness.

Most adults with ADHD are not short on advice. They’ve read the books, downloaded the apps, listened to the podcasts.

More information isn’t usually the answer. Understanding what’s happening is.

It’s knowing that what’s going on in their brain isn’t laziness. It’s overwhelm, or perfectionism, or simply that they’ve been using strategies that were never designed for their brains. 

None of that makes having ADHD easier. But it does change the story.

Instead of asking themselves why they are broken or wondering what is wrong with them, they begin to get curious.  A question like, “What would make this easier?” creates room for learning instead of shame.

 

Growing One Experiment at a Time

With ADHD clients, growth often looks very different than people might expect. Growth might not look like a perfect routine or a perfectly organized closet. 

Sometimes growth looks like changing the plan instead of tossing it out, recognizing that you are overwhelmed before you shut down, or giving yourself permission to rest or to try something again. 

Those are some of the biggest wins in coaching ADHD clients. 

Each win is evidence that can be collected that says, “the story you’ve been repeating isn’t true.”

They just need tools that were built for them, support that makes sense, and way more compassion than they’ve been giving themselves. 

This is how self-trust begins to grow.

 

Beyond Productivity

People often come to ADHD coaching hoping that they’ll finally be more productive. And many times, they are. But productivity isn’t the most meaningful thing that they leave with. 

When coaching helps someone move from critical to curious, from perfectionistic to flexible, from judging to compassionate, things begin to shift. 

That’s one of the unsung gifts of ADHD coaching.

 

 

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