Things That Still Feel Hard for Me – Even As An ADHD Coach

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Things That Still Feel Hard for Me – Even As An ADHD Coach

 

Real Chat With Kat

 

So let’s just chat about something for a moment. 

Although I am an ADHD Coach – a really GOOD ADHD Coach – I still struggle. Sometimes more than others, but it’s always there. 

There’s a quiet assumption that because I’m an ADHD Coach I must “have it all together.” 

The problem with that is, knowing and understanding your brain, having the tools and the strategies…doesn’t cure ADHD or make it magically less hard.

You may think once you know the strategies everything will be fine. Underneath that all is a quiet hope that given the right strategies and tools you will not function “normally” or more accurately “the way neurotypical brains function.”We compare ourselves to neurotypical people – and hold ourselves to standards not meant for us. 

I get the assumption that I’ve got my crap together. This is what I do. I help others do this work every day. I talk about ADHD, the nervous system, the tools….so yes – I have a LOT of awareness.

And still?

Things are still hard sometimes.  The world isn’t set up for us. 

I may not struggle as hard or the same way that I used to – but that definitely doesn’t mean I don’t struggle.  I love a good struggle bus ride.

 

 

My Brain Still Brains

There are still days – lots of them – that include me sitting down to do something that I WANT to do – like practice my ASL or write a blog….and I just don’t start.

Getting started feels practically impossible some days. Not because I’m lazy or because I don’t know what to do. My brian just says, “nope” and doesn’t go where I want it to go.

There are still tasks that I avoid when they feel unclear, boring, or anxiety-inducing – even when they are very important. I’ve missed deadlines, or missed opportunities, because I just never got started. Even when I’ve helped other people through the exact same thing – I still – can’t start. 

But Kat, you have all the tools! 

Yes, yes I do. I have systems, and tools and strategies galore. 

AND – I don’t use them consistently. Sometimes I forget, or avoid, or don’t have the capacity. Other times, I just don’t like being told what to do – even by myself.

Knowing what works doesn’t magically make me do the thing every time – because understanding your brain doesn’t override your brain.

 

The Spiral Is Real

There are still moments where I overthink something I said or did, replaying it over and over in my mind. Did it come out wrong? Moments where I question myself far more thatn I need to.

I recently went to an art festival that I’ve volunteered at for many, many years. This year I came away replaying multiple conversations to determine if I had upset anyone or hurt anyone or just sounded like a jerk.

Knowing that is due to a lifetime of feeling misunderstood doesn’t override the replaying.

But it can cut it down, make it less harsh, or at the very least help me be kinder to myself.

There are still times my brain just will not cooperate and I end up feeling like come on, whyyyyy is this still so hard?

And yes, sometimes that quite shame still sneaks in. My therapist recently asked me after I complained about somethign, “Are you mad at your brain for having ADHD?”  And at that moment – yes, yes I was.  Even with all the work i”ve done and all the things I’ve learned. 

The difference isn’t that I’m free from those thoughts. It’s that I notice them faster, and address them faster.

 

 

What HAS Changed – Because This Part Matters

First and foremost is that I don’t believe every single thought my brain throws at me any more.

That’s huge.

Just because my brain says something doesn’t mean it’s true. It might whisper, “you’re being lazy” and I can whisper right back, “no, I’m recovering”.

My brain might tell me everyone hates me – but I don’t always have to run with that thought, try to fix it, or turn it into a whole story. And when that little voice gets insistent about my value, or worth or productivity levels? I just tell that little b*&ch to mind their own business. 

I also take breaks now, without turning them into shame spirals. Taking a break is taking a break – it’s not a failure or proof of my ineptness. 

I still sometimes buy a new notebook STILL thinking this time will be the right notebook to get me all organized. But now I laugh at myself about it. AND sometimes catch myself and put the notebook back. 

But probably the most important thing? 

I’ve stopped trying to force my brain to fit into a life that wasn’t meant for. I design my life around my brain now.

Not perfectly. But intentionally. And that’s changed everything.

If things are hard for you still sometimes…..that doesn’t mean you are broken or doing it wrong. It doesn’t mean you haven’t tried hard enough or have to go back to square one.

It means you have a brain doing brain things. A beautifully wired, sometimes frustrating, neurodivergent brain.

The goal isn’t to get to a place where nothing is hard and everything is easy.

The goal is to not be alone in it, to have support, to have a whole toolbox tools that actually fit your life, to move through the hard moements without turning them into a catastrophe.

You don’t need to have it all together to move forward.

You just need support that actually works for your life.

If you would like to work on that together, please book a free discovery call and let’s chat.